Dependable Renegade

"I meant to do that."

Dogs. They're never quiet as cool as cats.

[h/t Elliott]

--WT

Tanks a lot.

Too bad this look didn't work so well for Michael Dukakis.

via Daily What

--WT

Happy Hour News Briefs

Word salad, tossed fresh daily!

• Hey guys, remember that time that the Xristian Xrazies gave us the cock-blocking Purity Bear video, you know the one where the wanton teenage whore tries to seduce an innocent boy but is saved by a strange bear that tells him that "Look at me, I'm cuddly"? Me Neither!, but anyway, they are tickled pink by its success. (Liberty Counsel)
• Wingnuts are still seething over the Clenis:
• The Frothy Side of the Force - "In a new Star Wars game, the biggest threat to the empire may be homosexual activists! Hello, I'm Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council in Washington, D.C." (Raw Story)

--Tengrain

Um, ohhhh-kay.

Via Buzzfeed

--WT

Banging head slowly

--Tengrain (Hat tip: Mr. C. Montgomery Burns)

News Briefs

News you can use all day

"Introducing Mr. Spectacular, Rick Santorum!" Wait... What?

• Numbers - Guess what, fellow hobos? Maybe the flirtation that we did with electing GOPers is over? Americans want a Dim Congress over a GOP one by 47-41. Weepy can become the lobbyist he's always wanted to be, fat, orange, and drunk. Oh, wait. (Fair Warning! It's a PDF: MSNBC)
• The kids are gonna be OK - The incoming freshman of 2011 are trending liberal with 71% in favor of marriage equality, and 61% are pro-choice. The GOP has already lost, they are just thrashing around like dinosaurs in tar. (Bloomberg)
• Hits - Hey guys, remember that time when President Carebear tried to seduce to us, crooning in our ears Let's Stay Together? Me Neither!, but it rocked Al Green's classic make-out song to the top of the download charts with a 490% gain as 16,000 copies were downloaded. (Billboard)

--Tengrain

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

Yeah, take THAT liberal media!

• Endorsements - Hey guys, remember that time when dancing felon Tom Delay destroyed Newticles' chances of winning the felon vote? Me Neither!, but anyway all is not lost! Our favorite (GOP) staff-banging serial adulterer is winning 80% of the felons in Duke Cunningham's cell block! (Voice of San Diego)
• Secret plan revealed! - That frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter Rick Santorum--who earned a B.A. with honors in political science from Pennsylvania State University in 1980, an M.B.A. from the University of Pittsburgh in 1981, and a J.D. with honors from the Dickinson School of Law in 1986--says that the reason that the Kenyan Usurper Hawaiian Devil Baby Barack Obama wants to send kids to college is to indoctrinate them into being liberals. Worked for Frothy. (The Hill)
• Race relations - Bob's Big Boy doppleganger and New Jersey Governor Chris Christie thinks that having citizens vote for their civil rights (or against them) is a dandy idea: “I think people would have been happy to have a referendum on civil rights rather than fighting and dying in the streets in the South,” and that's why he wants to have New Jersey vote to prevent gays and lesbians from getting married, you know, to make it fair. (TPM)

--Tengrain

Introducing...

...Elvis Catstello!

sorry... the skinny tie threw me off. --Tengrain

Lord Voldemort shills for Cialis?

[h/t res ipsa loquitur]

--WT

The milk carton . . . oh, pardonez moi.

Le carton de lait has gone couture.

Getty Images/PIERRE VERDY

--WT

News Briefs

News you can use all day

• Pot calls kettle black - Notable dancing felon and former House Majority Leader Tom Delay says that staff-banging serial adulterer Newt Gingrich was erratic and unprincipled. (Think Progress)
• The yellow is not all that rose in Texas - According to a new poll, nearly half of respondents believe that theocrat secessionist and all-around dum-dum Rick Perry's five-month campaign hurt the state's image. The other half are Texans. (McClatchy)
• Congratulations - The architect of NY's Marriage Equality legislation is getting married to his partner this weekend following a 31-year engagement. (Joe.My.God)

--Tengrain

"No uppity black man

is getting into Arizona without checking in with border security!"

Haraz N. Ghanbari/AP

Yes, that's Shrieking Teapot Jan Brewer showing nothing but the utmost respect for the President.

--WT

Light at the end of the tunnel.

Still buried under paper. Though even if I did have time to kill, I wouldn't spend it watching "Marmaduke":

Via the Daily What

--WT

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

(The Cutline) - Bloomberg's unused cover.

• Staff-banging serial adulterer Newt Gingrich is the common man. Newticles claims that his numerous staff-banging escapades makes him the more normal candidate than the other jackals in the 2012 Goat Rodeo. (Raw Story)
• Noot claims that by the end of his presidency that he will have a permanent moon base. (TPM)
• The man who spends more time thinking about gay sex than anyone else alive, Bryan Fischer, is thinking about gay sex again. Fischer tells us about his plan to lock up gays for having gay sex. I bet he twitches a lot. (American Family Association)

--Tengrain

Work has kicked my ASS today.

And it's still kicking, so I present you with a dog grooving to a guitar.

Via Buzzfeed

--WT

News Briefs

News you can use all day

Petunia explains why the poor should be taxed.

• Rebuttals - Hey guys, did you know that the Kenyan Usurper Hawaiian Devil Baby Barack Obama gave the State of the Union Address last night? Me Neither!, but anyway it seems that very serious person Mitch Daniels did and he gave a rebuttal. And notable economist and bearded person Paul Krugman is now rebutting the rebuttal. (Krugman)
• The long and shorting of it - It's hard to believe (no, actually it isn't), but Willard and his number 1 wife own or owned millions of dollars worth of a Goldman Sachs investment fund invested heavily in mortgage-backed obligations. And the current owners of those mortgage debts began foreclosure proceedings against thousands of Floridians. Whoopsie! (Think Progress)
• All the news that fits - The local newspaper in Arkansas will not publish engagement of marriage announcements of same-sex couples. Not until marriage equality is legal in that state, anyway. (Yahoo Voices)

--Tengrain

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

The State of the Union Address is date rape?

• C*** rag says Chris Christie's panties are in a wad. (Politico)
• The Creature endorses Newticles - Sweet Baby Jeebus! Fred Thompson is still alive? Who knew? (The Weekly Standard)
• Hubba-hubba! - Staff-banging serial adulterer Newticles led a protest against censorship of pornography. (Ironically, I find this consistent with Noot.) (TPM)

--Tengrain

"I'm watching you..."

--WT

Heh. Indeedy.

Via

--WT

Paging Paula Deen,

Paula Deen to the Novartis Novo Nordisk Diabeetus courtesy phone...

A chocolate cupcake with Oreo bottom and Reese's peanut butter cup center. God knows what the frosting's made of.

Via

--WT

Indeed.

From the debate earlier tonight:

The screengrab from last night. --Tengrain

UPDATE:

TG's co-blogger response:

--WT

News Briefs

News you can use all day

• The mouth-breathing paste-eaters had another debate last night that mostly consisted of two grown men saying that each other's mothers are so fat that... I live tweeted some of it until Newticles and Willard agreed on a preemptive military strike on Cuba.
• Magic panties enthusiast Willard Romney released his taxes last night: his effective tax rate is 13.9% and he made $42M+ over the last two years. Oh, yeah: he created zero jobs. (Think Progress)
• Romney advisers stressed that the holdings in the Caymans — along with those in a Swiss bank account that was closed in 2010 after an investment adviser decided it could be politically embarrassing to Romney — were reported on tax returns and were not vehicles to avoid taxes. Uh-huh. So when Willard ran in 2008, they thought it was no big deal? (NYTimes)

--Tengrain

Illumicati?

Via Reddit

--WT

Heh.

Now I don't feel quite as bad allotting 1/4 of my monthly salary to Time Warner*:

Via Buzzfeed

*No, not really.

--WT

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

Petunia damns Newticles with faint praise.

• Hired! - Meet Rev. O'Neal Dozier. He is the honorary Florida Campaign Manager for notable homophobic theocrat and human skid-mark Rick Santorum who declares that "[Gays] make God want to vomit." No wonder Frothy wanted to scoop him up! (Mother Jones)
• The Right to Life Ends at Birth - The Xristian Xrazies are announcing today on the 39th anniversary of Roe v. Wade the First State Initiative, in which they state that there are 6 states that only have one abortion clinic and they are determined to have a first abortion-free state by the 40th anniversary. (Christian News Wire)
• Tweet, twit, twat - The twitter account of Iowa's own royalty, the Korn King Chuck "I am not a NAIL" Grassley was hacked! And the anonymous hacker tweeted in full sentences and used correct grammar, so everyone knew it was not Chuck! (And it was not me, clearly...) (Raw Story)

Holy crap on mom's shoes, Batman! There's another 2012 Goat Rodeo debate tonight. What the heck do these mouth-breathing paste eaters not know about these wing-dings yet? --Tengrain

The Onion for the win!

Via

--WT

Just because.

Via Buzzfeed

--WT

Happy New Year!

The Dragon is supposed to be most financially auspicious, so let's hope that we hobos can get a break this year.

© Teakster

--WT

I'm not the most numerate of individuals,

but I'm pretty sure that doubling the price of the lottery ticket doesn't increase your odds of winning.

UPDATE: So out of curiosity, I went to the Powerball site. This is what it says:

The basic play style is the same; however, the number of red Powerball numbers is being reduced by four. (The number of white ball numbers remains the same.) So, players will select five white ball numbers from a field of 59 and one red Powerball number from a field of 35.

This apparently reduces the odds of winning the jackpot from 1 in 195.2 million to 1 in 175.2 million. Go nuts! [Rolls eyes]

--WT

News Briefs

News you can use all day

"Numbers are numbers." -- Petunia

• Numbers - Two-thirds of our fellow hobos say that it is much harder now to rise to the top than previously. The remaining 1/3 are the Romney Family. (The Hill)
• CSI-Madison - Even more of the former staffers from wall-eye git Scott Walker county days are arrested or waiting charges. (Think Progress)
• Two heads are not better than one - the co-CEOs of troubled somewhat-smart phone maker RIM are leaving to spend more time with their families. Or something. (Raw Story):

--Tengrain

*Sniff*

Must be my allergies.

Get well, Ms. Giffords.

--WT

Been feeling like this all day.

Don't quite understand the choice of music, but whatevs.

--WT