Dependable Renegade

Cat has future as cat burgler

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Happy Sunday - Tengrain

I'd ask to see...

...his long-form absence request.

Still, pretty cool that you get a Presidential Pardon for missing your fifth grade class when your dad takes you to meet the President. --Tengrain

(BuzzFeed)

"Some of my best friends are Jews!"

Short-fingered vulgarian Donald Trump -- the gift that keeps on living:

GREENSBORO, North Carolina — Donald Trump brushed off suggestions that he has been race-baiting in questioning President Barack Obama's birthplace. His rebuttal: he just hired a black entertainer on "The Apprentice."

"How can I be a racist, I just picked Arsenio Hall," Trump said.

Trump is the living exemplar of why the inheritance tax should be much MUCH higher.

--WT

Yes, yes, yes.

It's Caturday.

--WT

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

Wall-eyed git and Koch Brother middle manager Scott Walker gets schooled. More please.

• Unbelievable! - A Gannett-owned paper serving central Louisiana, stands by its decision to run an advertisement today that suggests that President Obama and Democrats are conspiring to murder Catholics and Christians. Unbelievable. (Think Progress has a picture.)
• Inconceivable! - The Catholic Church is looking for the nexus between the Girl Scouts of America and Planned Parenthood, and LGBT groups! Not since the council of Trent... but of course, still no comment from pederast-paying Bishop Dolan on paying pedophile priests bonuses on the way out the door. Investigate that, nimrods. Inconceivable! (CBN)
• Unimaginable! - The Centers for Disease Control denies that we are in a Zombie Apocalypse, even as face-eaters, intestine throwers, and heart-dining cannibals surround us! Unimaginable! (Raw Story)

"The wheels on the bus

go round and round..."

--WT

Who says there's no War on Women?

The "I was JOKING!"Republican non-apology apology should be issuing forthwith...

Jay Townsend, a campaign spokesman for Republican Rep. Nan Hayworth (NY-19) has ignited a controversy after he said, "Let's hurl some acid" at female Democratic senators.

Townsend's comments (which have since been removed) were posted Thursday on a local Facebook discussion forum for New York's 19 th congressional district. Townsend was responding to comments made by a commenter named "Tom" during an online debate over gas prices. Townsend wrote:

"Listen to Tom. What a little bee he has in his bonnet. Buzz Buzz. My question today … when is Tommy boy going to weigh in on all the Lilly Ledbetter hypocrites who claim to be fighting the War on Women? Let's hurl some acid at those female democratic Senators who won't abide the mandates they want to impose on the private sector."

Yeah, that's really funny. Just ask all those women (Muslim or otherwise) who have been horribly disfigured by asshole men who thought they were getting too uppity.

--WT

News Briefs

News you can use all day

(Twitter) Oh, my.

• Austerity! - The jobs report is out, and everyone is fired! OK, not exactly, but almost no one was hired (65,000). So... does this reflect GOP obstruction (which has literally stopped all legislation that could help us) or failed policies of the Obama administration (that can only enforce legislation already passed)? (Links everywhere!)
• Big Trouble! - Billionaire media mogul and senile coot Rupert Murdoch could have 500 MORE claims of phone hacking coming his way from the News of the World scandal.The highest amount he's paid out so far in damages to a single claimant is over $900,000. (TPM)
• Endorsements! - Helmet-haired former first lady Nancy "Just Say No" Reagan must have been seeing her astrologist again, as she tells us that St. Ronnie endorses The Willard Mechanism for presnint: “Ronnie would have liked Gov. Romney’s business background and his strong principles..." (ABC)

--Tengrain

"Git in mah belly,

large pink fish!"

Next time, don't wear the Eau du Mackerel parfum.

--WT

Late night interspecies snuggling.

Rescued feral kitteh bonded instantly with the house puppeh.

More videos of the matching set here.

--WT

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

(Petunia and Pals) If it is Thursday, it must be Malkkkin peddling her lies. But today she really spits venom. I made it all the way through, but...

• And speaking of eugenics, the absolutely unneeded legislation to prevent women from deliberately aborting due to the gender of the fetus was shot down. It was another Trojan Horse to make legal abortions yet more difficult. (TPM)
• The North Carolina GOP-controlled legislature decided to make it illegal to measure Global Warming-created tide level rising using the standard measurements all other scientific agencies are using. Coming soon--Thermometers: Tool of the Devil! (TPM)
• And lastly, World Nut Daily tells us that Uncle Joe Stalin=Obama. No, really. (World Nut Daily)

Pass the absinthe, please. Today's stuuuupid requires some extra-strength relief -- Tengrain

The Sixth Sense Revisited

--Tengrain

Presidential Portrait

Some people are laughing at the painting that appears behind former POTUS George "Chimpy" Bush.  It is almost as if they missed the more obvious humor.

[click to embiggen]

--twolf

Pickles Bush: The It Girl

Yeah, just say no to Xanax. --Tengrain

(TPM)

And let us not forget...

Pickles VonStrap-on, who looks sort of Xanaxed, so good job for the artist for capturing her essence. And of course it reminds me of my favorite bit of Pickles snark at the holidays when someone here at DR referred to her as The Velveteen Pickle. -- Tengrain

(TPM)

And the caption under his portrait shall read:

"Worst. President. EVER!"

AP/Pablo Martinez Monsivais

Also, the artist forgot to paint a bottle of tequila in his hand.

UPDATE: Now there's a headline I could get behind.

[BIG h/t to Whale Shaman]

--WT

Nice shootin' there, Tex!

Also a very effective ad for Mini Coopers:

--WT

Hamster Better Actor Than Nick Cage

OK, I'm damning the little guy with faint praise. But still! -- Tengrain

Just when I thought NYC couldn't get

any douchier, VOILA! More douchebaggery:

However, those all bow down to the Douche Burger, a $666 edible fiscal disaster that piles caviar, lobster & truffles on top of a foie-stuffed, gold-leaf-wrapped Kobe patty, smothers it with Gruyere melted with Champagne steam, and finishes it off with BBQ sauce made using Kopi Luwak coffee that's passed through the digestive tract of the Asian Palm Civet, explaining why it "may not taste good, but will make you feel rich as f*ck".

Because nothing says "I am the 1%" better than blowing almost $700 on a hamburger you're just going to barf up after your fourth shot of Ultra Premium Tequila Ley (google it). There are days when I really hate people. Today is one of them.

--WT

News Briefs

News you can use all day

(Think Progress) JCPenny has two dads. For Father's Day.

• Hey guys, remember that time when the little tyke got up into the pulpit and sang “Ain’t no homos gonna make it to heaven”? Me Neither!, but anyway Pastor Jeff Sangl from Indiana’s Apostolic Truth Tabernacle Church has received death threats, leading him to abruptly leave for vacation with his wife. (TPM)
• Remember that time when the pinkwashing money-grubbers at Komen Race for the Profits decided that the time was right to have Chimpy's original Spox Arie if-my-lips-are-moving-I'm-lying Shapiro hire a wingnut to lead their outreach, and she promptly kicked out Planned Parenthood because she is a forced birther with an agenda and there was a huge, much deserved backlash? Me Neither!, but anyway participation in their planned fundraising gimmicks has fallen way off. We hope everyone is donating directly to the causes that they believe in, rather than through blood-sucking intermediaries like Komen Foundation. (TPM)
• Smarts - South Carolina's Governor (no not the one with the firecracker lady he likes to kiss south of the border) Nikki Haley suggests that The Willard Mechanism pick her rival governor and volcano scholar and exorcist Bobby "Bubba" Jindal or perhaps Mistress Condi for the VP slot. You know, so that when Willard's campaign crashes and burns and all hands are lost, she will have a shot at 2016 Goat Rodeo. (TPM)

--Tengrain

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

• Running Mate Announced! - Hey guys, remember that time when fetus fondling fetishist and fur-coat wearing Xristian Xrazy Randall Terry ran for POTUS challenging Preznint Carebear for Dim nomination? Me Neither!, but anyway, he's chosen his running mate. Meet fetus fondling fetishist and former congressional candidate Missy Smith best known for airing "255 TV ads across Washington DC and Northern Virginia -- the ads showed the graphic, gruesome remains of babies murdered by abortion." Her qualifications for office include that she "killed two of my babies by abortion, and I know the private hell that millions of women live in day after day because of their 'safe legal abortion.' Abortion is murder, and I will do everything in my power to make it illegal." (Christian News Wire)
• Civil Debate - Well, they finally said it: "Elizabeth Warren is basically a Communist -- she's a supporter of everything conservatives hate." Oh, they also call Warren Fauxcahontas for her claim to be 1/32 Cherokee, which is pretty funny because Pocahontas was from an entirely other tribe. (One News Now)
• Returns to the scene of the crime! - Notable sociopath and former Preznint Chimpy McStagger will return to the White House tomorrow to be hung. Or rather, his effigy. I mean, his portrait. Damn, those Freudian slips... anyway, it's the only time the words "Chimpy" and "hung" have ever been uttered on this website without the companion phrase, "like a bee." (The Ticket)

--Tengrain

Aw, isn't that adorable.

These good Christians teach their children the best aspects of their religion: compassion and empathy.

Maybe Secession is the best way to deal with these idiots.

[h/t twolf, who was too enraged to post this video.]

--WT

Someone needs anger management...

 

"IL State Representative Mike Bost has had it up to here with pension reforms."

--twolf

You might want to ease up

on the baby powder there, Mom.

Via Fuck Yeah Dementia!!1!

--WT

Hmmm. Who does this remind me of?

Rhymes with "Shit Zombie"...

A Melbourne researcher says excessive focus on self-esteem is turning children into narcissistic bullies.

...

"Many of the children who are involved in bullying as ringleaders actually have inflated views of themselves," she said.

Professor McGrath says the increased focus on children's self-esteem is producing young people who are narcissistic and low on empathy.

"We're finding from other studies that the over-focus on self-esteem over the last 30 years has produced perhaps more young people who are low in empathy and high in narcissism," she said.

"What we believe has happened is over the last 30 years the very strong emphasis on enhancing self-esteem that has been picked up by both schools and families has contributed to a lot of young people having a strong sense of their own specialness, a sense of entitlement.

"And they believe the view that basically they are special and unique and can do anything."

Why, they even think they can be President!

[h/t Nicki]

--WT

A public thank you

to twolf and tengrain - despite the fact that I told them I'd be online this weekend, I failed them, and you guys, miserably.

Was on a little family retreat for the long weekend, but I'm back now.

--WT, still groggy from the six-hour delay getting back to NYC.

Double-face palm

The Willard Mechanism misspells America on its phone app.

--Tengrain (I meant to put this up last night, oops!)

(Via Twitter)

News Briefs

News you can use all day

(Petunia and Pals) Petunia is so excited that she is bouncing in her ample seat as they take a look back at Preznint Obama's term in office.

• Records - Notable wall-eyed git and middle-manager of wholly-pwned Koch Brothers asset, Governor Scott Walker's recall election is expected to have a record-breaking turn-out of up to 65% of the population. BUT surveys indicate that there are almost no undecided voters, so... the ground game is on! (Political Wire)
• Pants on fire - Magical panties enthusiast and robotic hair helmet The Willard Mechanism has earned another three Pinocchios from the WaPo Fact Checker (the busiest journalist south of Havana) on the claim that "[Bain] made about 350 investments since the beginning of their firm, and of those investments 80 percent of them grew their revenues." Not. Even. Close. (WaPo)
• Living - Sweet baby Jeebus in a cold water walk-up flat: there is not even one state in the entire country where a 40-hour/week minimum wage earner can afford to rent a two-bedroom apartment. (We Party Patriots)

--Tengrain

Happy Hour News Briefs

News that will drive you to drink

• Birtherism Today - So after The Willard Mechanism continued to express support for short-fingered vulgarian The Donald, Trump continued to serve up steaming, fresh Birther nonsense. And when someone takes the time to sober up Peggington Noonnington after a three-day binge to put her on the TeeVee machine to speak out against Trump, well, can the end be far behind?
• Dumped Man Seeks Friends - Perpetually dumped by his wife, living yawn Rob Portman is scheduled meet with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu Thursday in Israel, which is a pre-requisite for becoming a GOP VP. [Ed. Note: Meeting Netanyahu is the prerequisite, not being dumped.] (ABC News)
• Designer Babies - Inspired by Breitbart protégé James "Captain Dildo" O'Keefe, every dingbat Xristian Xrazy with a copy of iMovie has been storming planned parenthood filming "undercover" asking about aborting specific gender babies claiming that they want the other. It's happening enough that Planned Parenthood has released a pre-emptive press release.

--Tengrain

I wanna be a scientist!

How cool is that, you get to play with dancing robots. Of course, this is proof that they are becoming self-aware that one can catch up to the others and that the others slow down a bit to allow it to happen, and before you know it Ahhhhhnold is the governor of California, and Maria Shriver goes back to journalism. The horror, the horror..

(Time -- and the video did not self-start for me. --Tengrain)

News Briefs

News you can use all day

• Here we go again - Notable orange person and Speaker of the House Weepy McDrunky plans to hold the credit worthiness of the United States hostage again this summer. So... how did it work for us last time? It almost derailed the recovery, that's how! And this time could be a lot worse. (Bloomberg)
• To Gitmo with you! - Famous anti-Cuba person and notable "family fled Cuba" liar Marco Rubio is visiting the US prison in Cuba, but won't leave the property. We are not opposed to him being at Gitmo, but does he have to come back? (The Ticket)
• And lastly, Green Lantern is the next Marvel DC Comic character to become gay in the reboot. You may recall that Northstar will marry his boyfriend in the next edition of The Astonishing X-Men. (Metro)

(Update: Correcton, The Green Lantern is a DC comic hero, not Marvel. We regret the error.)

--Tengrain

"Is it Summer yet?"

--Tengrain

"I did WHAT..."

"...at the party last night?!"

BuzzFeed

Hope everyone is enjoying the morning! -- Tengrain