Failed movie critic and right-wing talk show host Michael Medved told a CPAC panel sponsored by Southern Poverty Law Center designated Hate Group Focus on the Family “There’s never been a state in this country that has ever banned gay marriage, that’s a liberal lie.” You can even hear the wingnuts gasp in wonder at such a bold-faced lie.
Come-out, come-out whoever you are - If we go into the way-back machine to oh, 2011, you might recall Puerto Rico Senator and Cuban-born Roberto Arango who got caught on Grindr with nude selfies who without guile claimed that he was documenting his weight loss regime? Guess who came out today? (Blabbeanado)
Live Mic - The Southern Poverty Law Center hate-group designate Family Research Council’s executive vice president, Lt. Gen. Jerry Boykin (retired), was caught on a “hot mic” following a panel yesterday at the National Security Action Summit. Boykin told an Israeli reporter that “Jews are the problem” and the “cause of all the problems in the world.” Boykin told another reporter that President Obama identifies with and supports Al Qaeda and the Muslim Brotherhood and uses subliminal messages to express this support. (Hatewatch)
So what is our old friend Xristian Xrazy D'vorce D'Spouse (who didn't know that he needed to divorce his wife before becoming engaged to his also-married mistress) saying at CPAC? You know, now that he has been indicted for making illegal campaign contributions?
Day 2 of the Wingnuttian Hootenanny. Today's line-up of paste-eating mouth-breathers includes: Theocrat secessionist nitwit Texas Gov. Rick Perry, notorious squirrel-frying theocrat former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, former Pennsylvania Sen. Rick 'Google Me' Santorum, and current Kentucky Sen. Aqua Buddha. Sounds like the gathering of the opposite-world Mensa.
Stand-up for Charter Schools - Boy exorcist and noted volcano scholar Bobby Jindal has compared the Obama Administration as segregationists, standing in the schoolhouse doors, to keep minority students from attending charter schools. Jindal, as you know, has made giving public money to private schools his life work, and the pesky courts keep finding his actions illegal. (Livewire)
Expert Witness - In the ongoing trial to over-turn the ban on same-sex marriage in Michigan, the state's expert witness for economics testified that he believes gay people will go to Hell. Oopsie!(Detroit Free Press)
Alaskastan! - Alaska State Sen. Fred Dyson says that birth control is so accessible that family planning services shouldn't be expanded, because it would amount to taxpayer-funded sexual recreation. Meet exhibit A, Brisket Palin®, Sen. Dyson. Makin' Whoopee seems to already be recreation in the great white north. (Livewire)
Rev. Fishsticks says that there is nothing more important than fighting teh gay menace.
Propaganda! - The man who thinks more about hot, sweaty man-on-man sex with thighs like pistons that can pump all night Matt Barber has noticed that the polls show support for Marriage Equality, and he knows that this can mean only one thing:
"The media and the entertainment industries are changing public opinion rather than reflecting public opinion, as you would expect and hope that they would."
Because it is impossible to think that Americans might decide for themselves to be fair and equitable? Unpossible, Barber's been trying to persuade Americans for years to hate everyone! (One News Now)
Somewhere, Ken Cuccinelli is weeping - All 100 members of the Virginia House of Delegates voted to repeal the bans on oral/anal sex. The bill now goes to Democratic Governor Terry McAuliffe, who is expected sign it into law, and Virginia Debutantes are expected to, well, smile gracefully. (Bilerico Project)
Get Off The Cross, We Need The Wood (part infinity) - As regular readers of the Happy Hour News Briefs know, there is no greater oppression and persecution in the entire world (known and unknown) than that which the Xristian Xrazies must grimly endure. So, to prove how oppressed they are, the Xristian Xrazies decided to do what any sane person would do: they faked being arrested for being Xristians.
Pastors in Ohio called the local cops and requested to be taken into custody in front of their congregations, using on-duty, taxpayer funded police officers, taken away in police cars, etc. You don't need a doctorate in Political Science (or theater, or even interpretive dance) to see who the bad guys are in this passion play:
Videos of the mock arrests posted online brought a wave of criticism for the Summit County Sheriff’s office from people who thought the deputies really were interrupting church services to make arrests.
Sheriff Steve Barry says his deputies took part in the mock arrests Sunday at a couple churches around Akron after the pastors approached his office and asked it to participate.
The churches staged the arrests as part of their “Defending the Faith” sermons. Videos showed deputies handcuffing pastors while they preached and placing them in patrol cars.
And if that doesn't prove to you that Xristian Xrazies are the most oppressed and persecuted people in the known world, they even had to stage their own oppression! When will the persecution end?… um, wait.
Texas! - The God-bothering fetus fondlers have permanently closed three more reproductive health care facilities. The clinics are were located in poorer communities leaving many already vulnerable Texas women with no ready access to safe, legal, reproductive services. But we're sure it was just a coincidence that poor people are being targeted. (Think Progress)
Bit the dust - BitCoin founder Autumn Radtke was found dead "at the base of a Singapore apartment block." Singapore police said they were investigating the "unnatural" death of Autumn Radtke, but that "no foul play was suspected." Uh-huh. (Raw Story)
Doubling-down - Senatorette Huckleberry Closetcase continues to link benghazi! Benghazi! BENGHAZI!!1! to Ukraine:
"When you tell the world we're gonna find the people who killed our four Americans in Libya, including the ambassador, and you do nothing about it," he said. "Whether you agree with his policy in Syria, Egypt, whether you agree with his policies, when he tells people there will be consequences, and there are none, it sets in motion exactly what you see."
Asked if invoking Benghazi was a just a way for the senator to throw red meat to conservatives back home during primary season, Graham said that voters wanted to know more about the 2012 attack in Libya.
"Everything I've done has been about what I think is best for the country," he said. "I think it's best to find the truth about Benghazi, when my primary's over, and I'm gonna win, I'm gonna still be on Benghazi."
OK, we will add Benghazi pursuit to Huckleberry's bowl of Claim Chowder. (Livewire)
Constitutional Scholar Rev. Fishsticks tells us that by taking the Fifth Amendment, jack-booted bully Lois Lerner is admitting her guilt in the so-called IRS scandal. Because that's what it means.
NYTimes Best Seller - Hey guys, did you know that you can pay to get on the best seller list at the NYTimes? All you have to do is found a Xristian Xrazie Ministry and have them buy a shit-ton of your crappy book and Boom! Best Seller! (World Mag)
Ancient Hate Goblin Phyllis Schlafly is opposing a federal trademark for the name “Schlafly” for beer made by a St. Louis craft brewery co-founded by her nephew, Tom Schlafly. Thanksgiving must be really interesting around that viper nest. (St. Louis Post-Dispatch)
Awards! - The stupidest man on the innernets Instapundit himself—Glenn Reynolds, writer of gruesome abecedarian pyroflatulence works, will receive an Accuracy in Media Award at CPAC. Let that sink in for a moment. Il posteriore della superiora!
Ahead of the wingnuttian hootenanny and masturbatorium, er, CPAC, our pals at Media Matters for America have released Myth-o-pedia so we can fact check their various lies claims and assertions. Hint: if their lips are moving, they are lying, including when they say, "Um" and "The". (Livewire)
Minimum Wage - In the 15 years since Washington state increased their minimum wage to a national high of $9.32, payrolls at restaurants and bars, which are supposedly most vulnerable to job losses, actually expanded by 21 percent and poverty rates “trailed the U.S. level for at least seven years.” Also, “job growth continued at an average 0.8 percent annual pace, 0.3 percentage point above the national rate.” (Bloomberg)
Cardinal Dolan Polishes his Ball Peen Hammer - Pope Francis appears to support governments that recognize civil unions to provide non-traditional couples with access to benefits. (Think Progress)
Arizonastan! - The terrible sand people have spoken to Public Policy Polling and say by overwhelming 66% that they opposed Senate Bill 1062 and agree with the terrible sand Queen Jan Brewer for vetoing it. Also, the majority of the terrible sand people are now in favor of marriage equality. (Public Policy Polling)
More sex advice from Crazy Unkka Pat: The Bible says to go ahead and marry your cousin (eeeew), but don't be having any mongoloid babies.
Re-habbing the Bugman - Oh, joy. That dancing fool, convicted felon and former GOP Majority Leader Tom DeLay will be writing a weekly column for the Moonies and hosting a radio program. (Washington Times)
Split Screen Would Have Been Nice - At the same time that homophobic failed researcher Mark Regnerus testified in federal court today, his employer, The University of Texas at Austin and the College of Liberal Arts issued the following statement:
“Dr. Regnerus’ opinions are his own. They do not reflect the views of the university. Like all faculty, he has the right to pursue his areas of research and express his point of view. We encourage the community of scholars and society as a whole to evaluate his claims.”
Church and State, redux - The GOP-led legislature in Georgia has approved a statue of The Ten Commandments to be installed on the grounds of the state capitol in Atlanta. Quick! Someone, call the Satanists and see if they can get a two-fer one sale on their statue! (Raw Story)
Thanks a lot Jan Brewer! - Living admonitory for funding mental health Steve King believes that people will pretend to be gay just so that they can sue businesses for discrimination. (Think Progress)
2016 Goat Rodeo Update - The wearer of the cheapest rug in Congress Sen. Aqua Buddha is working to change KY's law that forbids people from running for two offices at once. You know, hedging his bet that he might not win the Prezninticy. (Livewire)
Texas! - Meet the tort-reform Texas Legislators and Xristian Xrazies who are suing a Ponzi schemer for fraud. The schemer had them at Noah's Ark, BTW... (Raw Story)
Crazy Nixon era racist Pat Buchanan misses the good ol' days. (Wait till you get to the 3:30 mark, that's when he's ready to sing Die Fahne Hoch.)
Get Off The Cross, We Need The Wood, part infinity - The Xristian Xrazies are in full, pitiful persecution mode following the veto of Arizonastan's Right to Discriminate law, as chock full o' nuts Star Parker says:
The reality is that the “gay rights” crusade is not about a struggle for justice, but rather it is a cultural war.
Homosexual activists understand the ongoing erosion of traditional values as a pillar of our society and use this opportunity to push Christian reality, once and for all, into the closet and to lock the door.
I would add, "Throw away the key." After all, who made it a culture war and history is written by the winners. (World Nut Daily)
More self-pitying - The woman who hates everyone more than anyone hates her Linda Harvey says that the vetoed Arizonastan law was really a bullying prevention law for grown-ups, you know, to prevent the Xristian Xrazies from being bullied by the gay menace. (Barbwire)
Lawsuit! - Eugene Delgaudio is suing the Southern Poverty Law Center for designating his conservative organization, Public Advocate, as a hate group. Oh, he's the executive director of the SPLC-designated hate group, and his name is often linked to being a hater for some reason. (Christian Wire)
Racism Today - What's that old unreformed racist John Derbyshire up to these days since being fired from the NRO for being racist? He's being racist, that's what! Anyway, Derb says that the Conservative Rebranding should be abandoned and that they should instead focus on White Men only:
He said “conservatives are the only people in the U.S.A. trying to ‘transcend contentious racial issues,’” but agreed with his “friend” — white nationalist Jared Taylor – that white people should stop trying to get along with black people.
“Whites may as well start asserting themselves and join in fighting for the spoils,” Derbyshire said. “If that’s right, ‘colorblind conservatism’ is a dead end, and the future of the conservative movement is as a home for white ethnocentrism.”
He also suggested that Republicans should also give up on trying to appeal to women and become more bellicose.
“Women are just like that,” Derbyshire said. “One thing we might try would be putting some alpha males up front, instead of mealy-mouthed cringing betas.”
What you can buy for $750,000 - Tim Draper, a third-generation venture capitalist from Silicon Valley, who wants to divide the state of California into six separate entities, has contributed $750,000 of his own money to the cause; he'd effectively have to gather almost 808,000 voters' signatures by mid-April to have it on this year's ballot -- or try to put it on the 2016 ballot. Draper spent $20 million on an unsuccessful school-voucher ballot measure in 2000. (Livewire)