World-famous baby mill operator One-L is already running for re-election, a full 17-months ahead of schedule.
Umbrellagate - Sweet Baby Jeebus with a yellow slicker, that the hell has gotten into the GOP's panties today? Umbrellas. Anyway, Alaska's part-time governor and full-time grifter Sarah Palin is trying to be relevant again, and tweeted: "Mr. President, when it rains it pours, but most Americans hold their own umbrellas." Whoopsie! Mooselini seems to protest too much:
Dangerous conspiracy theorist Pete Santilli wants to personally execute Hillary Clinton by shooting her in the vagina. (Fair warning: Santilli uses very graphic extermination language and snuff-porn style imagery Right Wing Watch)
Retractions - After Crazy Unkka Pat does it again (forgives adultery from men, because boys will be boys), the Christian Broadcasting Network issued the following clarification:
“As a first step in the process, Dr. Robertson stated that she should stop dwelling on the cheating. Next, he recommended that she remind herself of all the reasons she fell in love with him in the first place so that she might try to fall back in love with him all over again.”
“Lastly, his point was that everyone is human and there is much temptation outside of the home, so she should do whatever she can to strengthen their home and relationship. His intent was not to condone infidelity or to cast blame. We regret any misunderstanding.”
We regret any misunderstanding. Gotta remember that one. (ABC News)
Radio host Pete Santilli said on his show that he wants to ‘shoot Hillary Clinton in the vagina’. Santelli said, “I want to shoot [Clinton] right in the vagina and I don’t want her to die right away; I want her to feel the pain and I want to look her in the eyes and I want to say ‘on behalf of all Americans that you’ve killed, on behalf of the Navy SEALS,’ … the families of Navy SEAL Team Six who were involved in the fake hunt down of this Obama bin Laden thing, that whole fake scenario – because these Navy SEALS know the truth, they killed them all – on behalf of all of those people, I’m supporting our troops by saying we need to try, convict, and shoot Hillary Clinton in the vagina.”
Mommy issues much, dirtbag? I recommend you make nice for the Secret Service when they come a-calling.
All this nonsense because a white Marine was holding an umbrella for a black guy. Seriously. You can trace every fucking instance of faux outrage to that. They just cannot accept that a black man is, and has been, President for the past 5 years.
Talking termite-infested pole Major Garrett destroys GOP benghazi Benghazi BENGHAZI talking point.
Notably nutty theocrat and Xristian Xrazie Rep. Kevin Cramer (R-ND) says that Roe V. Wade is responsible for all the recent gun violence:
“Forty years ago, the United States Supreme Court sanctioned abortion on demand. And we wonder why our culture sees school shootings so often.”
He has many other theories, too. It is so worth a click. (Raw Story)
Godwin's Law - Famous conspiracy theorist Tom Zawistowski compared the Kenyan's administration's ongoing IRS scandal to Nazi Germany on Fox News:
One more nut and it is a candy bar - Karen Handel (the Xristian Xrazie who pretty much single-handedly destroyed the pink-washing Susan G. Komen for the Cure) joins a GOP primary field for US Senate from Georgia that already includes Reps. Jack Kingston (R-GA), Paul Broun (R-GA) and Phil Gingrey (R-GA).
Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.) told a crowd at a tea party rally that she's asked every weekend why Congress isn't working to impeach President Barack Obama.
"I will tell you, as I have been home in my district, in the sixth district of Minnesota, there isn't a weekend that hasn't gone by that someone says to me, 'Michelle, what in the world are you all waiting for in Congress? Why aren't you impeaching the president? He's been making unconstitutional actions since he came into office,'" Bachmann said.
"The hair dryer has started a whisper campaign against me!"
Crazy Louie Gohmert is at it again. Today, during a House Judiciary Committee hearing on “Oversight of the United States Department of Justice,” he demanded that AG Holder not cast aspersions on his asparagus.
World Nut Daily tells us that if only Bill Clinton's penis had been removed from office (and they blame Ken Starr for shirking his duties!) in the '90s, then Behghazi! Behghazi! BENGHAZI! would never have happened.
The WaPo tells us that Senator Aqua Buddha (R - Cheap Toupee) is trying for an image-remake to make him more appealling to the Xristian Xrazies:
"Earlier this spring, Sen. Rand Paul and his wife, Kelley, invited a crew from the Christian Broadcasting Network into their Kentucky home for what turned into two full days of reality TV. In a half-hour special, “At Home With Rand Paul,” the couple are seen bird-watching in the woods, going to McDonald’s and, especially, talking about religion — their belief in traditional marriage and the senator’s call for a “spiritual cleansing” in America."
Can we vote Aqua Buddha off the island, please?
The Christian Post's chock full o' nuts Star Parker celebrates the return of Mark Kiss Me South of the Border Sanford to national politics:
Put me down as happy to see former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford coming back to Washington. Earlier this week he handily defeated Elizabeth Colbert Busch in a special election for a House seat he himself once held.
He has always been a consistent, principled, and courageous conservative. And he has always done it with showmanship and clarity that gets the points across to voters.
When the National Republican Congressional Committee pulled their support from Sanford's race following the news that he trespassed in the home of his former wife (to watch the Super Bowl with his son), support came in from both FreedomWorks PAC and the National Right to Life PAC.
Sanford's persona pulled in two streams of conservatives – the economic conservatives and the social conservatives – that many see at odds with each other.
A seasoned, principled, and exciting conservative politician and leader is exactly what Republicans need today.
Welcome back to Washington, Mark Sanford.
PS - I'm travelling so News Briefs might be intermittent.
The U.S. Department of Justice notified The Associated Press on Friday, May 10, that it had secretly obtained telephone records for more than 20 separate telephone lines assigned to AP journalists and offices, including cell and home phone lines.
AP is asking the DOJ for an immediate explanation of the extraordinary action and for the records to be returned to AP and all copies destroyed.
Hey, if you've got nothing to hide, then what's the problem? Isn't that the usual rationale?
Neck with a mouth Chuck Todd is outraged that the Cincinnati IRS under a Chimpy McStagger appointee targeted conservative money laundering Teabaggers.
Told ya! - The Living Museum of 1980s Power Ties George Will floated the idea of impeaching The Kenyan Usurper for the IRS auditing money-laundering Teabagging organizations, and meanwhile staff-banging serial adulterer Newticles says that The Kenyan "will not profile terrorists but profile patriots." Noot is slipping: He left out the Basically and Essentially. (Raw Story and TPM)
Basically, the owner of the cheapest toupee in Congress, Senator Aqua Buddha essentially has lost his mind:
Paul said the United Nations would “CONFISCATE and DESTROY ALL” of civilian firearms in the United States and ban the sale of all semi-automatic weapons. He also alleged the United Nations was controlled by “petty dictators and one-world socialists” who were plotting to usurp American sovereignty.
“These anti-gun globalists know that as long as Americans remain free to make our own decisions without being bossed around by big government bureaucrats, they’ll NEVER be able to seize the worldwide power they crave,” Paul wrote.